Working towards my next two exhibition and a book.

I feel I am floating in infinity. Nothing makes sense anymore. I am in constant state of confusion. I see myself living in a cold large space with 20ft tall ceiling and enormously wide and tall window on one side. All the walls, floor and ceilings are painted in white. It is cold. I feel like a passenger. To where? I don’t know.

One day everything turned cold. I am in constant state of denial. As if I was living someone else’s life before and now I am back to my own life. It feels as if I was sleeping and dreaming everything was meaningful, everywhere was warm and everyone was nice. I am now awake. I don’t like what I see. Everything is floating in the infinity. People have cracked facades. Bridges are broken. Cities are empty.

I feel I betrayed time and this is my punishment. I am seeing myself. Who is this grown up?

Now it is time for me to change into my white suite, put on my sandals and walk towards sunrise. I need the warmth of that sunrise. I want to remember my dreams.

Isn’t that called hope? Isn’t hope the biggest lie we all tell ourselves?

If there is a god, she put us in this white wall maze. I can hear her laughing.

Love, romance, hope, charm, beauty, and destiny are all lies we invented and invested our life in. I want to remember my dreams. I want to sleep again and never wake up. My dreams were warmer. But it is so cold here that I cannot sleep anymore.

I am stuck in this infinity.

THANKS AND GOODBYE

Elizabeth,

• Thanks for pointing out my wrongs
• Thanks for fixing my public image
• Thanks for sharing your world views and listening to my harsh world views (old views) and softening them
• Thanks for supporting me, specially when I was going through the divorce
• Thanks for supporting me emotionally when I was down
• Thanks for standing by me as a friend when everyone whom I assumed were my friends left
• Thanks for coming to lunches and coffees at work
• Thanks for helping me with my photography
• Thanks for your guidance on how to properly approach girls, we were a nice pack 
• Thanks for helping me with my exhibition and encouraging me to do that
• Thanks for listening to my bullshits all the times :D
• Thanks and million thanks for giving me a new hope
• Thanks for having butter chicken with me at the tandoori place
• Thanks for introducing me to your friends, Natalya, Jesi and Branden

You are a friend for life. You and Daniel can count on me at any time. Goodbye and good luck with your new journey!

You are officially my best friend ever :D

The day of the exhibition.

My first exhibition is held at my beloved photography studio Sugar Studios.

I would love to see you there :D

Have you felt her moment of desperation?

When the wisdom is out of breath,

when the passion is in the shadows of ideologies,

feel her.

I started listening to some new bands introduced to by one of my best friends Elizabeth. “The National”. I specially see the mood here sort of relating to “Anyone’s Ghost” from their “High Violet” album.

About Elizabeth, she is an amazing woman, kind and concerned in true meaning. Her husband just got accepted to a Law school in the States.

If these guys leave, I will miss a very good friend.

love this song!

I am standing still, looking at couples passing by.

For several days I did not feel jealousy, but now it is back. The feeling of the one, whom you worshiped and loved in another arms is suffocating. Maybe it is fair, maybe I was not adequate. I am not jaded but exhausted. I want everything to stop. But I have to be strong.